Killing your dreams

Speaker 1: In this episode of Balancing the Christian Life, we talk about the danger of dreaming. Welcome to Balancing the Christian Life. I'm Dr Kenny Embry. Join me as we discover how to be better Christians and people in the digital age. So I'm going to my introduction to communication class. This is a course I've taught 20 or 30 times now, so I know what we're going to be talking about . Today we're going over the first paper. When I developed this course, I bookended it with two papers. The first paper asked the students to think deeply about who they are and what they'd like to accomplish in life. A major portion of this paper is developing 45 goals they hope to achieve. You heard that right. They have to come up with 45 goals. The way I landed on that number was by determining five different roles we have. I adapted some material from Stephen Covey, who wrote a classic book the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. The five roles I've got are the physical self, the mental self, the social self, the professional self and the spiritual self. Five roles For each role, I want each of my students to develop three goals for five years from now, three goals for 10 years from now and three goals for 15 years from now. When I break it down like this, students seem to loosen up a little. Another thing I tell them is you can use exactly the same sentence for some of these goals . So, for example, let's say you want to be able to run a seven-minute mile five years from now. Well, a different goal might be running a seven-minute mile 10 years from now. The words are identical, but it's two different goals because it's separated by time and you can even choose to not improve in some areas. So, for example, maybe the 15-year goal is to run an eight-minute mile. And the conversation I have with them is this your goals should reflect your values. In other words, if family isn't important to you, then your social goals may just include friends. If your profession is important to you, then you should try to have some consistent improvement there. But the roles that aren't important may not show as much progress. The second paper, however, asks students to take what they've learned about themselves and then match their interests, passions and values to a career. Do some research on that field, including potential salary, if the field is growing and what kind of training is required. Then start identifying job titles and people who are connected to the careers my students are interested in. The old saying goes it's not what you know, but who you know. One part of the process is meeting the people who can give them both insights and connections to getting a job they want, and it's during this paper that I have a difficult conversation with them. I ask my students to consider whether they should kill their dreams. I know that's not something we're used to talking about. So often. We are told to dream bigger or push harder or farther, especially when we consider how many people live lives of quiet desperation. We often do so much less than what we could be doing, and the shame seems to be those who leave so much of their potential unexplored. I understand that and I agree with it. I think of the people who buy things to keep them in cellophane to be collected, but unused Things like that tend to collect dust and not value. You should shoot high, you should set big goals and you should invite challenge and discomfort, but that's not exactly what I'm talking about. The Christian call isn't to have a big job, a luxurious life or be famous. Our call is different. Our call is to be obedient and serve. Why? What's the problem of dreaming big? Well, let me suggest there are three potential problems with our dreams, especially ones that aren't guided by God. First, our dreams can easily become our idols. Second, there's a problem in pursuing passion and missing purpose. And finally, understanding how our dreams ultimately limit us. Let me start with this. What I like about dreams is they give us direction and suggest first actions. When I was younger, my dreams sounded like this I wanted to be a cartoonist for the newspaper, I wanted to go into space, I wanted to build furniture from hardwoods and I wanted to be an actor. I didn't see why I couldn't achieve all of these dreams. They sounded reasonable to a child and there's a sense that I loved all those dreams. Yes, they are child's dreams and I think you can see the problem with them immediately. They're just not very related. So once I got good at being a cartoonist, when was my astronaut time going to come in? Well, it wasn't. But what I truly love about dreams is they help define a direction. But dreams left by themselves can become the shiny objects and unrealized idols you have heartedly pursue your entire life. It's easy to say we need to carve out time for God, and I both understand and agree with this sentiment, but I also believe we bring God with us wherever we go. I'm not saying you don't need to familiarize yourself with the Bible, nor that you should not pray. But I am saying, if you find yourself as a university professor, as God's servant, your real job is to be a Christian college professor. But if you are called to the profession and allow it to crowd out the important relationships in your life, including God, then your profession and your dream have replaced God in other important relationships. And that's the very definition of idolatry. Whenever you put something in the position God deserves, you've just created your idol. How do you know when your dream has become your idol? Well, do you see God putting boundaries around your dream or not? If not recognize there are some things you cannot or should not do as a college professor in fact your cartoonist or astronaut, then you've probably moved God from where he deserves to be. But if you see reasons why you should disregard your relationship with God so you can better pursue this passion, well, let me suggest you already know who's in the driver's seat . It's easy to say that if you have to miss a Sunday service, then whatever it is that demands that time is unreasonable. I understand that thinking, but I don't necessarily agree. Look, a relationship with anyone isn't limited to checkboxes. My relationship with my wife means that some years we don't celebrate her birthday in a big way or that we decide to move the celebration to another time. Life happens. But if my wife becomes an afterthought or a hindrance, well then maybe whatever it is I'm replacing my time with my wife is the problem. Maybe that's the relationship that has become more important and potentially too important. The same is with God. I think there are compelling reasons to miss a service or two , but a relationship with God should help. You see exceptions for what? They should be Exceptional. The problem with idolatry is it will never perfectly fit where only God will Idols come in so many different shapes and forms. I know many who believe passionately that politics is an important pursuit and some would say, an obligation. We live in a participatory democracy and God would have us to actively work to change the culture where we live. To a certain extent I agree. As Christians we should help those who are around us. We should represent God as best we can. We should never shrink from what God would have us think, do and teach. But even Jesus failed to convert the vast majority of people who hurt him. If your dream is to change the world, one vote at a time, let me ask you to seriously consider if you have let politics replace God. Dreams also have a dangerous side, because they keep us blind to many things going on around us. Dreams done well help us focus on stuff that helps us to get closer to our dream and remained blind to the stuff that doesn't help us. Again, there's something I admire about this Most of life is distraction. We often find ourselves doing stuff that is fun but meaningless. It might be recreational, but it doesn't truly recreate anything meaningful. But sometimes our passions crowd out our purpose. I don't know if Moses' dream was to become a shepherd, but that is where he found himself. He was a man in an occupation or he was looking after Jethro's sheep. Yeah, that doesn't appeal to me either, but I can't see how he could have lost himself in the job. But God didn't let him stay there. Yeah, it's easy to say he saw a burning bush, which made quite an impression, but he looked up long enough to recognize something was different and reacted. He could have avoided the burning bush. He could have said no. He could have decided. What God was asking was simply too hard, but he didn't. There's a video I sometimes show my students. It's a group of about 10 students passing a basketball to each other. The instruction you give your students is to count how many times the basketball is passed in the circle and the students start counting. The video lasts a couple of minutes and often students will argue about how many times the basketball was passed around. Then you ask how many students saw the gorilla? Most students will look at me like I'm playing a joke on them. What gorilla? There wasn't any gorilla in that video. Then I replay the video and right after the third or fourth pass someone steps in the middle of the circle passing the ball in a full gorilla costume, looks at the camera, beats his chest, then saunters to the opposite side. When you know to look for the gorilla, you can't miss it. But if you're told to only focus on the ball, well that's what you do. Passions tell you what to focus on, but sometimes the passions you have blind you to more important stuff like your purpose. In my conversation with Ben Lee , it took us about three quarters of the conversation to get to the point where we realized the main problem with setting goals is it often disregards that God has already set goals for us. Christians should help those around us, should serve, should live Christian values. Yes, there are many ways to do that, but those are his goals for us. As Christians, we should look for how we can serve better, in whatever place we are. Finally, if we follow our dreams too closely, we may ultimately do too little and think too small. Yes, I know I said earlier that coming up with dreams helps us to channel our ideas, and I think focus and action are often much more important than chasing one dream after another. But I am reminded over and over of characters in the Bible like Abraham, ruth, david, joseph, who all had detours in life that took them away from what they had planned, but to something much more significant. Yes, there are stories we know because they're recorded in the Bible, but you know stories like this yourself. For a few moments, I want you to think of someone who changed your life, someone whose kindness made you better. It could be a teacher who taught you something differently , or it could be someone who taught you how to make a bed or fold fitted sheets. They could have taught you to fish or listened to your stories . They were significant to you. They loved you in the way they could Do. You think that was their dream. Do you think this was their passion? I doubt it, but their interference in your life changed you, for you. They helped you change your purpose. They were important enough that when I asked you to think about someone important, you thought of them. They helped give your life meaning and that was part of their purpose. God has already given our lives purpose. He's told us to help people around us, to serve them, to lead to influence, to change and , ultimately, to love. Dreams focus on us, and that is the danger. Purpose tells us to focus on others, and that, it turns out, is the blessing. Jesus's dream wasn't to sacrifice himself for us, but it was his purpose. He gave up his dreams, not so that we could pursue ours, but so that we could pursue him, thank you. So we could be a people with purpose, so we could be people who serve, who influence, who love. That's just more important than dreaming. Don't worry about catching a dream. God has plans for you. The second paper in my communication class is one where they look for a job. Be where I tell them of looking for your passion. Passions change, dreams change. But look at your gifts, what comes easily to you? What can you do that others have problems doing? Where do you think you can make the most change for others, for good? Find the name of that job. Then pursue that. When you serve best as an electrician, then do that. Don't chase your passion. Passions often follow you Instead. Find a purpose and then develop your passion. As for the good thing I'm thinking about, I'm grateful for good rest. My friend, keith Stoneheart told me I should look into a sleep study, and he was right. One night I wore this silly thing on my head and a few weeks later I was wearing a CPAP machine. It was a little intimidating, but for the first time in years I felt like I got a good night's rest and I woke up without being groggy. I've heard sleep is one of the most underrated things. Most people never figure out. Well, they're right. I think so much more clearly now. Thank you, keith. Next time on the podcast I plan to release my conversation with Mark McCrary and Wyatt Taylor about our trip to the island of Palawan in the Philippines. That trip changed me. I hope that's something that will change you as well. So until next time, let's be good and do good.